The Price of Beauty
by WeOwnYourSOUL
Summary: Ed is a prostitute struggling to support his brother but also happens to be Mustang’s closest friend, Mustang regrets choosing the life of a state alchemist and learns the hard way that being attractive has its downfall AU ROYED
1. Madness

DISCLAIMER: NO, we do NOT own FMA…sadly…Mitzy thinks she does but she's delusional.

A/N: Hellllloooooo all you sexy biatches out there! Welcome to the first of many stupid but insanely funny (we hope) fanfics of varying animes put together by the joint efforts of the Great All-Powerful and All-Knowing Mary (formally known as Imoen on fanfiction which is my other profile with all my old fics which I have left FAR behind me i.e. "Slave to Love" ) and the Almighty Queen of Crazy, Mitzy! I think that I'll be writing the Authors Notes at the beginning of our chapters and hers will be at the end (haha I'm seme .) to prevent confusion. This fic was a random burst of inspiration that we had while talking on the phone one night…don't let the title(s) fool you, we'll try to make sure it's not that random half-assed crap you see in so many fanfics these days. When we write crap…we write it gooood….or something like that, lol. Let's assume this story takes place in a non AU setting but has NOTHING to do with the plot….bear with us, please . .

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Cross-dressing, hints of prostitution, OOC-ness, foul-language and.. Ooo! Warning for all those who wuss out when they read a hint of anything even slightly yaoi: you should probably go crawl back under your blankets now and cry yourself to sleep. Go on, get out of here. Are they gone? Good . (hee) More interesting stuff in future chapters, we promise!

Anywayz, let's begin, shall we? - - - - -

It was a particularly beautiful day; the sun was out in full force, the sky only marred by a few puffy white clouds, and a pleasantly warm breeze danced through the air. Central was buzzing with activity, people going about their daily lives as normal, dressed lightly for the warm weather, talking and laughing.

It really was a nice day…that is, if your name didn't happen to be Roy Mustang. The faint smell of freshly baked pie wafting through his open office window from some distant town shop, and the beauty of the weather did nothing to make his day any less horrible than it already was.

He hunched miserably over his desk and stared at the prescription bottle in front of him, and mentally cursed himself a thousand times over as a fool. 'An attractive fool, but a fool nonetheless' he thought, 'Maybe if I was a little less attractive, I wouldn't be having this problem….'

He growled irritably out loud and slammed his fist down on the desk rather hard. "Goddammit! Why me!" He hid his face in his hands and proceeded to feel sorry for himself, bemoaning at how unfair the world was.

A low chuckle coming from the now-open doorway of his office made Roy look up, his expression startled at first but swiftly switching to irritated as he saw who it was leaning against the doorframe.

"What the hell do you want?" he snapped, not in the mood for an obnoxious visitor. Not today….not when he was busy feeling sorry for himself. His eyes narrowed as he took in the boy's outfit. "What the fuck are you doing in a…skirt?"

Not that he was surprised to see the young man in such a ridiculous outfit. Edward had grown quite attractive by the time he turned 19; childish muscles had hardened to firm ones. His face was perfectly formed, if slightly feminine. He had long ago given up wearing his long gold hair in a braid and now let it hang loose, only enhancing his slim, muscular figure as being more than a little feminine. Of course he still could have passed for a guy, and an attractive one at that, if he hadn't been dressed like a flat-chested hooker. The young man was clad in knee-high black leather heels and a short plaid skirt, with a red tube top and a leather jacket. No, Mustang wasn't surprised at all to see Ed dressed as he was; after all, it was only appropriate for his profession.

Ed chuckled again and tossed his hair back over his shoulder, winking at Roy. "You like?" he grinned. "It's been a while since I've done some decent cross-dressing…I got bored of playing the submissive boy toy and thought luring some lucky men into questioning which team they play for might be entertaining." The boy's grin grew utterly wicked. "What's that I see on your desk?"

Mustang turned white and sat bolt upright, grabbing the prescription bottle and tossing it under his desk. "Nothing! It-It's nothing! Go away!"

Ed laughed and walked forward, closing the door behind him, before moving to Mustang's desk, leaning against it and eyeing the older man with a knowing smirk. "What did I tell you about getting shitfaced in the wrong part of town? I've seen public toilets that weren't as dirty as that girl you left the bar with last night."

Mustang groaned and hid his face in his hands again. "It's not FAIR!"

Laughing again, Edward leaned forward on the desk to ruffle Roy's meticulously groomed hair playfully. "Sure it is. It's called karma. So what did you get? I'm sure it wasn't too bad like crabs, or something equally disgusting."

Mustang said nothing.

Ed's eyebrows shot up at his silence. "I seeee….that sucks dude…my advice is to not be more of a manwhore than me and maybe…consider shaving." He laughed hysterically and jumped out of reach from the punch Mustang swung at him for his taunt.

"Fuck off, Ed."

"Where and when?"

"Arrgh! GET OUT!"

Still laughing, the boy turned around to leave when the door to the office opened and a strict looking blonde-haired woman walked in, wrinkling her nose in distaste when she noticed Edward.

"Honestly Elric, can't you find yourself some poor drunk to molest and leave Mustang alone?"

Ed grinned wickedly at her. "Where's the fun in that? Besides I was just here to congratulate Roy for the reward he got from last night's conquest."

Her eyebrows shot up at that. "Reward? Conquest?" She glared at Mustang who was trying unsuccessfully to hide under his desk. "What the hell is wrong with you, Roy? You shouldn't be out nailing any woman who's stupid or drunk enough to spread her legs for you! Have some self-respect! And what does she…HE, dammit, mean by reward!"

Roy cowered. "Nothing!"

Her eyes narrowed. "It better be nothing. I'm not above castration for the sake of the State, remember that." She swept out of the office stiffly, grumbling under her breath about the incompetence of men.

Ed walked after her, grinning. "You're whipped dude," he tossed back over his shoulder to the cowering man, before leaving the room, chuckling lightly to himself.

Mustang groaned. "You have no idea…" he muttered.

--

Mustang rubbed his fingers together, debating on what or who to burn: himself, the ointment, Edward, or the damn parasites that were pinching more than his pride.

At that moment, Riza came back in with Havoc right behind her. Havoc went straight to his desk, attending to whatever kind of work needed to be done at the moment. Riza walked up to the disgruntled colonel, giving him a hard glare before placing a large stack of papers on his desk.

"Get started, sir." She spat out with venom and went to her own desk.

The colonel sighed and grabbed his pen, looking to Havoc, to Riza, then at his desk. He groaned, knowing what was within the desk. Havoc raised an eyebrow.

"Bad day, Colonel? I thought that chick you picked up would've pepped you up for at least a week."

Mustang let out an even loader groan, and then he moaned.

'Why do I only itch when people are around!' Roy squirmed in his seat, trying his hardest to itch without using his hands. A talent that would take a while to master.

His smoke infested subordinate revealed a cat-ish smile. He wasn't sure what was wrong but he concluded it must've been something bad. Something bad with a girl. Something bad with a girl because he took all of his girlfriends.

Forget childbirth, karma was one of the miraculous things to witness in life!

The colonel moved his head so now his chin was resting on the desk .

"Your eye is twitching sir." Havoc said.

Mustang glared daggers at him, but his subordinate, of course, was unaffected by the vicious glare from Mustang.

"…What'd you get?" He asked after putting the pieces of the puzzle together. The blonde smoker moved to the side, dodging the pen Mustang threw at him in response.

"Was it…herpes?" Another pen and a hardy laugh.

"Not aids!" A pencil.

"The stomach flu?" Cologne. It shattered when it hit the ground. Too bad, it was nice cologne too.

"A strange kind of foot fungus?" Oh, lipstick! He'd have to ask about that later.

"Or could it be..." At this point the colonel's desk's drawer was wide open. A few of the contents that were once inside of it now lay across the room on the floor. Their original target: one laughing Jean Havoc.

Roy, whose rage was building every second, didn't notice what he was chucking. His fingers gripped a white tube; he pulled his hand back then thrust it forward, making the tube fly towards Havoc.

Roy's eyes grew wide and before he could clasp the blasted thing back in his hand, it was too late.

Havoc's hand shot out in front of him and grabbed the tube.

"What's this?"

"Give it back!" Mustang yelled, tripping over his own feet in his hurry to get out of his chair and retrieve the ointment.

"Instant relief, easy to apply, scent free…"

"I said give it back! You're disobeying my orders!" Roy screamed again, getting up on his feet as fast as he could.

"Apply twice a day. If itching continues or condition gets worse—"

"DIE!"

Roy Mustang lunged forward. Havoc flew back on his chair, landing harshly on the ground with the colonel on top of him. The tube of ointment skidded in the middle of the room and for the moment was forgotten.

"I'm going to kill you!" He yelled while shaking the smoker with violent rage.

"Colonel, calm down!" Riza decided to step in; she stood behind the colonel and pulled him back as best she could.

At first Havoc coughed, his body trying to get back as much oxygen as it could. When he finally had enough of the air he lacked, Havoc started to laugh. First it was just kind of a bubbly giggle, then it turned into a full on, piss-your-pants kind of a laugh.

Roy tried to choke him again but was restrained by Riza. The sharpshooter raised a fine-lined, blonde eyebrow. She tried to look at Roy's face.

"What exactly is the tube for colonel?" Before Roy could answer, his other three goons; Falman, Fuery and Breda walked in. Falman looked as blockish as ever, Fuery with his wide eyes looked at Riza and Roy curiously, and Breda just munched on his grilled cheese sandwich.

Falman looked at his feet. He had stepped on something white and shiny, with a creamy gel coming out of it. He bent down and grabbed it, looking at the text on the tube carefully.

"What is it?" Fuery asked, adjusting his glasses when he tip toed to look at what Falman had in his hand.

"Medical ointment for a parasite. Pthirus pubis or better known as…" Falman scrunched up his nose in disgust. "Gross…"

"That's disgusting! Who would be so careless with their sexual life that they would get something like that?" Fuery exclaimed.

Riza let out a small snort of laughter and Havoc just laughed harder, his face now red. Roy glared at Fuery, who stared back confused.

"Get the hell out! Go!" Roy screamed at Fuery.

The small man 'eep'ed and quickly ran back outside, only to collide with the door. Mustang huffed; even the pain of others couldn't cheer him up.

Breda looked back and forth, chewing away at his sandwich. After a few second he looked at his mean then to everyone else.

"Hey guys…" Everyone turned their attention to Breda.

"Guess how many slices of cheese I put on my sandwich!" He asked with a big grin on his face. (A/N: Inside joke!)

A/N: Ehhhhh! Don't judge meeee! XD Hope you liked that, sorry if it… you know sucked! Hopefully my part will be a lot better next time. So yeah, review, re-read then review again… Then go do whatever it is…you…like…to…do….yeah.


	2. The Burning Situation

A/N: Wheeeeee! We're baaack! True to our promises, this chapter will be longer, better and will answer more than a few questions. It's also got Al in it. So be happy! Or something like that. Crazed yaoi fans rejoice! Your first bit of RoyXEd-ness makes an appearance in this chapter. No, it's not hot monkey sex, but hell if our fic had that in the second chapter it probably wouldn't last very long, ne? Anyways, sit back and eat popcorn or something and read. It took us another two weeks and A LOT of technical issues to get this done, and you should keep in mind that me and my co-writer, Mitzy are a couple hundred miles apart! Plus she's a slow typer…but I'm a slavedriver so it all works out somehow. Haha I wonder if you people can tell which of us writes what… anyways, please enjoy!----

Alphonse wasn't in the best of moods. Even the piles of paper and books spread out on the floor in front of him, pages and pages of alchemy theories and notes that normally would have kept him happy and busy for days, did nothing to improve his temperament.

He ran ink-smudged fingers through honey-gold hair and his eyes flashed in irritation. Ed was late again. Not that it really surprised the younger Elric to be waiting alone at home again. Ed was always late. Alphonse was used to the emptiness of their small apartment. Their three-room living space contained only the bare necessities: A bathroom, a kitchen, a desk, and a bedroom with two small beds. It was all they could afford and it was small and incredibly cramped… but it was home.

Al sighed and tried to force his irritation down as he bent his head and tried unsuccessfully to turn his attention back to the book he was supposed to be studying.

Ed was always late for a reason. It wasn't like he enjoyed leaving his little brother alone at home. He didn't and he had made that fact very clear to Al in the past. He was gone because he had to be. His job demanded late hours, meaning that he sometimes didn't return untill late morning, too exhausted to do anything but collapse on his bed.

'His job…' Al mused, 'He still won't tell me what it is he does that keeps him out so late every night…but…at least we have a home….we're not living on the streets and that's all I can ask for.'

Ever since their mother had died of a mysterious wasting illness three years ago, the Elric brother had been alone. With no friends or family around to take care of them, they had been left homeless on the streets of Central, barely scraping out a living.

Their skill with alchemy meant nothing if they didn't have the money or time to study it or seek out a teacher. So Edward had found a job and thrown his life into it, insisting that if he couldn't live out his dream of becoming an alchemist, he would make damn sure that Alphonse could, no matter what he had to do to make that dream a reality.

"Brother…" he murmured sadly. No, Edward still hadn't told his brother what it was he did for a living to support them… but Al had his suspicions. He had seen the outrageous outfits that Ed had come home in, the makeup and the leather and he had seen the bruises, burns, and sometimes even cuts that marred his brother's fair skin. Whatever job his brother did, it was hard on him. And, though Ed always acted like his usual cheerful self, there were moments when Al saw something in his eyes that made him realize that his brother had changed. Though his body was relatively the same, his eyes had aged many years.

It made Al sick to think about and he blew his bangs out of his face with a frustrated sigh and tried to force his mind away from thoughts of his brother, throwing himself into his studying with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

--

Edward Elric sighed to himself and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, wishing that he had a drink, beer, water, anything to wash the bitter taste out of his mouth. No matter how much he teased Mustang, no matter how outwardly cheerful he appeared to be, he hated this. He hated the back- alley rendezvous', the harsh treatment he always got, and the hungry looks people gave him.

It wasn't the sex that bothered him anymore, no he had gotten over that years ago, it was the way he kept his brother in the dark, alone at home. It was all for Al, of course. Everything he did, he did for Al's sake. But lying to his brother… he hated it.

But at least they had a home and even friends. Well, at least Ed had friends. His occasional late night conversations with Roy Mustang at the bar had blossomed into an odd kind of friendship over the last few months. Of course, Ed wasn't just interested in his friendship. The man was a state alchemist and a powerful and high-ranking one at that. He had connections. Maybe, through him, he could help Al achieve his dream of becoming a real alchemist.

He had no such aspirations for himself. His desires meant nothing. Al was the only one that mattered. His mother's last words, "take care of you brother" rang constantly in his head, reminding him of his purpose in life. His dreams could wait until after Al had achieved his.

But first….he needed a drink.

--

He wasn't particularly surprised to find Edward at the bar that afternoon. Ed was there almost without fail every time the flame alchemist decided to put in an appearance. He smiled a little to himself and limped over towards the boy.

Ed looked up in time to catch Roy's eye and notice his limp and almost immediately amusement made its home on his face, starting at his lips twitched upwards in a smirk, and extending upwards to gold eyes that twinkled in silent laughter.

"Do I even need to ask why you're limping?" he asked with a snicker as the older man sat down next to him very carefully.

Roy glared at him. "I'd prefer if you didn't." he grumbled. Today had been irritating enough without the additional teasing he knew he was going to be receiving from the blonde.

True to form Ed replied, "Oh but I have to! Did you, by any chance, make an attempt to rid yourself of your little…problem with the use of alchemy?"

"It's completely taken care of and that's all you need to know."

At that, Ed burst into laughter, clutching his sides as his shoulders shook helplessly. "You really are as crazy as all the rumors say you are!" he said finally after his laughter had died down.

Roy arched an eyebrow at that. "Rumors?"

Ed grinned and struck a dramatic pose. "Oh yes!" He exclaimed with mock enthusiasm, "The great and mighty flame alchemist! He can incinerate you with a snap of his fingers! Make any woman swoon! Steal your girlfriend before you can blink! Invincible! Unstoppable!"

Rolling his eyes, Mustang snorted and took a sip of his beer.

Ed's grin got, if possible, even wider as he continued, "He's the finest example of a state alchemist you'll find in Central! But…did you hear? He spends his time-off in a bar with a male prostitute and tries flame remedies on himself to rid himself of the aftereffects of his nights of slumming!"

The blonde laughed again as he received a dark glare for his comments. Mustang really was fun to tease.

Roy couldn't help a reluctant smirk. Even when he was being an ass, Edward always seemed to know how to cheer him up. How he managed to do that by insulting the colonel, he would never know. "I'm still trying to figure out why I haven't burnt you to a crisp yet, Elric." He said finally with a light chuckle. "You're quite the expert at being a pain in the ass."

Sipping at his own beer, Ed snorted. "I may be a pain, but at least I'm a better drinking partner than most of those sluts you usually leave the bar with."

Roy couldn't help but agree. Despite the crap he would most likely catch if his superiors found out he was slumming in such a low-life area, he always found himself drawn back to this bar to seek out the young man's company. He was smart, clever, funny, and unlike most of the population of Central, completely unafraid to say exactly what he thought about the Colonel. It was refreshing really.

And he really did make a good drinking partner.

Roy sighed wistfully. He wasn't itchy anymore, thank god no. No more itchiness, no more cream. No, instead he had to deal with what he had done to himself.

Yes, Roy would agree that he gave a new definition to the word "flamer".

-Flash Back-

Roy Mustang grunted; he reached his hand in his pants and relieved the itch which he had been trying to ignore for the past twenty minutes.

He scratched, and scratched and scratched.

"Damn it!" He screamed!

"This has to stop!" He wasn't suppose to... "pick" at his problem but he couldn't help it. The crème was like a damn cough drop, it would only work for ten minutes. Mustang glared down at his most prized possession as a man.

He couldn't take it anymore; he had to do something about it. Cream didn't work and shaving would still leave him itchy.

What was the best way to get rid of a pest problem? Pests. This reminded him of the time his grandmother had a pest problem as well. No, not the same kind that Roy had at the moment.

Her hobby was gardening; it was very relaxing for her. The only thing she hated was the potato bugs that would infest her lovely garden.

When she finally had enough she took drastic measures and got rid of them the only way would could.

Turn the soil over, drench it with alcohol, and burn it. Repeat once. He remembered the image because he was the one turning over the soil and throwing the match into the toppled soil once it had alcohol in it.

Light bulb!

Ten minutes later Roy sat on his bed. Once again he was staring down at his "flashlight". The only thing that clad his body was a single white glove made of special ignition material and an alchemy circle on it.

Roy's eyebrow twitched. He was hesitating; a twitching eyebrow was not a good sign for Roy Mustang. It always meant he was either really pissed or having doubts about something.

At the moment he couldn't say which one he was feeling.

Was this really a good idea? It would surely get rid of the little bastards, and he wasn't going too far as using alcohol as his grandmother did.

He took in a big gasp of air. Had he been holding his breath this whole time?

"Ok…." He said out loud, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.

"I think…." A small trickle of sweat traveled down from his forehead, over his cheek, and down to his chin.

"This is going to be…." His leg twitched a little this time. Sitting butt naked on his bed in the middle of the night felt a little strange to him for some reason. Maybe, it was because there wasn't any one else to share the wonderful, breezy, "freedom" with him.

"Okay…." He took a big gulp.

Snap!

--

That was the first time in a long time Roy screamed in pain rather than anything else.

"So…" Roy looked over at the attractive blonde next to him. "Should we get going?" Edward asked.

"Nmm." Was Roy's reply.

He got up and stretched a bit as he did, only to look over at Ed who was staring at a slice of lime.

"I thought you wanted to leave." Roy said.

"Hm." Ed looked at Roy then to the slice of lime again. When his gaze meet Roy's again he had a big smile on his face. Roy raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Ed lifted up the slice with the same grin on his face.

"What if I-"

"Let's get going Edward!" Roy huffed, quickly marching out of the bar.

--

"Come on colonel! Don't look so upset, I'm sure you're use to creams by now and besides this does wonders for burns." Havoc laughed.

Mustang wished the young blonde would've stayed with him. Edward left in the middle of their walk on the way back to headquarters. Something about needing to return to his… services.

Roy didn't know how the word got out but it did, and when nothing was going on in the military any juicy bit of rumors, blackmail, and such would travel through headquarters in no time flat. Roy would pay a fortune to know who the man was who spread the word.

"Guess how the colonel got rid of his problem… "

Roy heard someone say as he was passing by to get to his office. Maybe it was karma, what goes around comes around. You see there was another thing that Roy was well known for.

Stealing girlfriends.

So of course when every man on base heard about Mustang's… solution to his problem they had to come stop by and beat his ego down. What goes around comes around.

It was ridiculous! Ointments, books on safe sex, even baskets of fried crabs!

It became so bad Riza had to stand guard at the front door, pulling out both her guns just to chase "trespassers" away.

Mustang groaned again, in a way he deserved it and… well truth be told he'd be doing the same thing if a situation like this ever happened to one of his subordinates.

Despite the fact that they didn't mean it, Roy was still pissed. How he wished… oh how he wished he could BURN them all.

'If I had my way right now they'd be pissing blood for days…' Roy thought to himself as he glared at his laughing subordinates.

"You didn't get any blisters did you?" Breda asked then snorted as he laughed. The Flame Alchemist sighed for what must've been the millionth time that day.

"Okay men, you had your fun, could you just drop it now!" Roy asked as calmly as he could through gritted teeth.

The door to Roy's office swung open; it was Edward. He was dressed in normal civilian clothing for once. He didn't look too happy though, maybe something bad happened on the way to Mustang's office…

Roy's subordinate's laughter stopped for a moment when Ed entered, but they soon began their idiotic snickering.

Ed grunted, obviously not in a good mood.

"I bet even Ed is cleaner than you are colonel!" The fat one said out loud. Ed glared at Breda. Of course Breda was too engrossed in his oh-so-funny jokes to notice.

"That's no way to take care of yourself colonel. No woman wants a castrated man." Havoc chimed in again.

Everyone contributed to beating on Roy's ego. Even Hawkeye; she was the one who brought in the "Safe Sex" book in the first place!

Fuery and Falman just continued to say how disgusting the whole thing was. None of which helped the colonel's mood or pride.

Edward glared at Havoc. His cheeks slightly flustered. "You shouldn't be talking second lieutenant!" Ed yelled.

Havoc blinked; a little question marked dance above his head. He didn't expect someone to talk back.

"Huh? C'mon cheif, we're just teasin'. Besides you can't deny that you would want a man who would go so far as to flame his own jewels just to get rid of a problem that was his entire fault. It's only karma for stealing everyone's girlfriend. Especially mine!" Havoc said the last part in a huffed tone.

Edward's golden like eyes shined maliciously. Why was he pissed, only he would know…

"If you were good enough of a man your girlfriends wouldn't have left you for Roy in the first place! Your loneliness is your own damn fault. No one wants to be with a whiner, not even a whore like me!" Edward growled.

Havoc gasped in but soon started choking. He swallowed his cigarette.

"And no one wants to be with a disgusting smoker either!" The blonde young man added.

"Hey calm down Ed. There's no need to attack anyone like that." Breda said slowly. He soon regretted it though when Ed gave him the look of death.

"You shouldn't be talking, fat ass! Go eat your emotions away with a bowl of chocolates!" Ed barked. At this point no one said anything.

Facing Ed's wrath was not something anyone would wanted to experience in their life time.

Roy looked… surprised to say the least.

Although Roy was confused he couldn't help but be a little… happy. Even though Ed was always a rebellious bastard, an annoying prick, and a real bitch at times, Roy realized that Ed still had respect for him.

'Maybe I should stop making fun of his height…" Roy thought to himself.

--

Ed glared after Mustang's subordinates as they finally took the hint in his smoldering golden eyes and left, filing out one by one, Riza the last to leave after shooting a worried glance over her shoulder at the dazed looking Roy. She wondered if it was really a wise idea leaving him alone with the young Elric.

Ed continued to glare after them even after the door had been shut, his eyes burning. "Why do you take that crap from them, Roy?" he snarled. "It's bullshit."

Roy twitched, startled out of his thoughts. "I know….I know. I should send them all off on some sort of unpleasant mission or something like that but…with no wars the military isn't the most exciting place to be." He sighed and scratched his head. "It's sad, but you have to understand that shit like this serves as entertainment around here. Had this happened to any of them I would have been the one spitting insults and damaging pride."

Edward snorted. "That's rather pathetic if you ask me."

"It is."

Growling, Ed spun around to glare at Roy. "But you don't deserve that shit! You're better than that."

Roy's eyes widened a bit in surprise and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards in the beginnings of a familiar smirk. "Was that…a compliment, Ed?"

His cheeks burning, Ed whirled back around and crossed his arms stubbornly. "A compliment? Pull your head out of your ass, Mustang. Not everyone worships you, you know!"

"Sounded like one to me."

"Yeah well…you're a dumbass."

Roy grinned. Trust Ed to put him back in a good mood, even if he was only insulting him again. "I must be a dumbass if I'm crazy enough to keep you around as a friend." He chuckled, amused as Ed whirled around once again, face flushed now with anger.

"What's that supposed to mean!" the boy snarled.

Mustang's grin only got wider. "Take that as a compliment, Edward. How many prostitutes do you know that spend their off-time in a military office with a colonel?"

"Uhhh…."

"That's what I thought. Now come on, I'm sick of this place for today and it's almost time for me to leave anyways; let's go get one last drink and then I'll walk you home."

Ed's eyebrows shot up at that. Sure he and Roy had shared many afternoons and nights drinking together at the bar, but not once had the colonel offered to walk him home, or indeed taken any interest whatsoever in where the older Elric brother might live. Then again, he had never really been forthcoming with details about his personal life. He wasn't even sure if Roy knew about his brother or not.

But he was used to people not caring about that anyways. People only saw him as a willing fuck or a good drinking partner. But some of what Mustang had said tonight had led Ed to believe that might be changing. Maybe he could count the Colonel as a real friend and not as just a decent drinking partner.

He allowed himself a rare smile. "Sure. Let's do that."

--

As it turned out, Ed had to do enough walking for the two of them on the way home from the bar. "Goddammit Mustang," he growled, as the heavier man leaned against his shoulder, "Try walking for yourself a little, you can't be THAT drunk."

"….sorry…."

Ed sighed. 'I shouldn't have let him drink so much,' he thought. 'I have NO idea where he lives and housing a drunk colonel in our shabby little apartment has got to be breaking some sort of law…'

Surprisingly enough, as many times as they had drank together, Ed had never witnessed the colonel truly drunk. The man always seemed too reserved to allow himself to be comfortably drunk in public. But apparently the stress of today had been enough to allow his composure to slip enough for him to be leaning drunkenly against Ed as the much smaller boy attempted to walk him back to his apartment.

"You weigh a ton, Roy….god."

"…sorry…"

Ed twitched. "Who knew you were a quiet drunk…" he mumbled with a half-smirk. "I expected you to be loud and obnoxious."

Roy fixed him with a glare and he chuckled. The colonel's normally intimidating glare failed miserably when he was stumbling drunkenly and trying not to fall over.

He allowed himself another smile. He felt oddly special. After all, how many people had witnessed a drunk Roy Mustang? And the man was strangely cute with the way he jumped at every loud noise and the way his eyes were glazed and his hair ruffled and…

Ed shook his head to clear it. 'Don't think that way,' he chided himself. 'Roy would kill you if you made any moves on him when he was sober…. What would he do to you if you tried it while he was drunk?' The boy shuddered at the thought, and focused on trying to ignore Roy's warm shoulder pressed against his own, and his arm wrapped around the colonel's waist to steady the man. 'Think happy thoughts….think happy thoughts…'

He was so wrapped up with trying to ignore the man that, when he finally reached his apartment and was fishing around in his pocket for his keys, he was completely taken off guard when the taller man suddenly stepped away from him and shoved him roughly against his door.

"What….what the fuck!" Ed stammered, looking up at Roy with wide golden eyes. "…Roy?"

Roy was smirking his normal smirk but his eyes were glazed with some indescribable emotion. But before Edward had a chance to feel truly unnerved, Roy's lips were pressed hungrily to his own.

He was too shocked to even try to resist, his body acting on autopilot and returning the kiss eagerly.

'This is bad….this is very, very BAD,' his mind screamed at him, 'Don't kiss him! He doesn't know who you are right now! He's gonna kill you in the morning!'

Against his will, he continued kissing the colonel, leaning forward against him then grunting when he was shoved heavily back against his door with a dull thump, Roy hands pressed to either side of his head, his mouth warm and hungry, tasting faintly of booze.

Ed's eyes glazed over, '…fuck it….'

He was about to give in completely to temptation when he suddenly fell backwards as the door was opened behind him, falling on his ass while Roy collapsed, passing out drunkenly to the floor.

He blinked, dazedly up at his brother's tired looking eyes. "Umm….Hi Al…"

"Brother? Who's that? What were you guys doing?"

Ed stood shakily, brushing himself off and trying to fight the blush that wanted to stain his cheeks red. "That," he said, gesturing at the passed out colonel, "Is Roy Mustang, the flame alchemist."

Al's eyes went absolutely huge. "W-what!" He squeaked. "What is he doing here! What's wrong with him!"

The older Elric brother grinned sheepishly. "Well…you see, we were drinking together and he had….a bit too much…."

"So you brought him here!" Al looked horrified.

"Well….yeah."

"WHY! Ed! We could get arrested when he wakes up! Do you realize how high up in the military this guy is! How are we ever supposed to become alchemists if you're kidnapping drunken colonels? Are you crazy!"

Ed sighed. This was more difficult then he thought. "It's fine, Al."

"How is it fine!"

"He's…a friend of mine. A drinking buddy. He said he was gonna walk me home tonight anyways, I don't have the faintest idea where he lives so I just brought him back here. I'm sure he'll understand when he wakes up." He snorted to himself. 'If he doesn't kill me, that is..'

Al looked doubtful but Ed just grinned at him. "C'mon Al, let's get him inside, he can borrow my bed tonight, I'll just sleep on the floor. We wanna make a good impression right?"

"….R-right…."

A/N: Review and keep them flashlights shiny ya'll.


	3. The Morning After

--A/N: AND SO WE RETUUUURN! This chapter was written this week over a 5 day period of absolutely no sleep which, apparently, is when I do some of my best writing. I am absolutely satisfied with the way it turned out and I think you people will be too. So sit back and enjoy some more edXroy yumminess!--

Roy Mustang prided himself on being a reserved man. Sure he enjoyed a bit of…ok a LOT of slumming here and there, but he had never allowed himself to get completely drunk on any of his excursions. All the stupid decisions he made, he made with a clear head, even if they weren't made with a clear conscience.

Anyone he slept with only shared his bed for as long as he needed their…services. And it was never his actual bed, usually a hotel room for the sake of privacy. He was NOT one used to waking up in beds that were not his own, except when on military business.

So when he woke up that morning and found himself in a strange room, on an unbelievably uncomfortable mattress, and with a massive bitch of a headache, he was more than a little alarmed. His eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright and then instantly regretted it as the dim light in the room seared his eyes and his head felt like it was going to explode. He slammed his eyes shut and slumped miserably. "Fuuuuuuuck…." He groaned.

He was so concerned with the pounding of his own head that when someone placed a light hand on his shoulder he jerked in surprise, not having heard anyone else in the room.

"How are you feeling?" a voice asked. It sounded young but strangely familiar. He cautiously cracked one eye open to examine the source of it and was surprised to see a boy staring back at him who bore a shocking resemblance to Edward. His hair was a darker shade of gold and was cropped short to his head and he was more lightly built and much younger looking…but the resemblance to Ed was plain to see for anyone who knew what to look for. Roy blinked at the amber eyes staring back at him, looking concerned in a face that was lined with nervousness. "Sir..?"

Mustang blinked a few more times to clear his vision and rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Where am I? Who are you? You look like Ed…"

The boy coughed, embarrassed. "Umm…well you're in our apartment….I'm Alphonse, and I'm Ed's younger brother…"

Roy's eyes narrowed a bit. "Ed never said anything about a brother…" He muttered, looking around at his surroundings for the first time. The floor was littered with books and he was vaguely surprised to see that they all were alchemy books. He was on one of two beds in the small, otherwise featureless room and there was a golden-haired lump wrapped up in a blanket in the corner of the room, which he could only assume was Edward.

"How did I get here?" He mumbled, confused.

A bright blush painted the young man's cheeks and he looked away, obviously uncomfortable. "Well….Ed said that you were drinking and that you had a bit too much….and that he didn't know where you lived so he brought you here…when I opened the door last night you both kinda fell…in…"

An eyebrow raised at that. "Fell in?"

Another embarrassed cough. "Y-yes….sir…."

"I don't remember…much of anything from last night. I suppose I should thank your brother."

Al stood up from where he had been kneeling next to the bed and removed his steadying hand from Roy's shoulder. "You want me to wake him up, sir?"

"If you wouldn't mind…and don't call me sir, you don't work for me."

"Yes sir…I mean…yes Mr. Mustang." The boy stammered.

Al crossed the room and leaned down to shake his brother's shoulders. "Ed….Edddd….Wake up!" he hissed.

His response was an intelligent, "Mmmmgh?"

"Wake up, brother!"

Ed groaned and cracked one eye open to glare at his brother. "Whhhy? Go away…five more minutes…." His eye shut again and he curled into a ball, pulling the blanket over his head.

Chuckling lightly to himself, Roy managed to crawl his way out of bed and stand up on shaky legs. He walked carefully over to the lump that was the older Elric brother, picking his way through the maze of books piled on the floor. Smirking at Al he said, "Let me take care of this. Why don't you go make me some coffee?"

"Y-yes sir!"

He watched as the young man stumbled over his books and into the kitchen then leaned down next to Ed. "Ed...Wake up," he breathed into the young man's ear.

"Mrghh…fuck off," came the muffled growl from under the blanket.

"Edward."

The blonde pulled the blanket down just far enough to glare angrily over the edge of it. "What the hell do you want?" he snarled. Then his eyes widened as he realized who he was talking to. "…Roy?"

The colonel smirked. "Who else?"

Ed sat up slowly, scratching the back of his head. "I forgot you were here….sorry…" His voice was slightly slurred and his hair was ruffled. He looked exactly like Roy felt at that moment. Utter crap. He filed that knowledge away for future use; who would've guessed Edward Elric wasn't a morning person?

"I'd appreciate it if you'd fill me in as to what happened last night, Edward." The taller man said carefully.

A slow flush crept up Ed's cheeks. "You…you were drunk."

"Well yes, your brother told me as much. Did anything happen while I was drunk? I can't afford not knowing. If I did something extreme it could put my position in the military in jeopardy." He gazed at the young man curiously, watching as he squirmed uncomfortably under the alchemist's intense stare. 'Is he blushing?'

Ed cleared his throat and turned away, folding his arms. "It's fine…you only…I mean…you were a quiet drunk."

Roy arched an eyebrow and leaned closer to Ed. "I only what?"

"It's nothing!" Edward insisted.

The raven-haired man sighed and sat back on his heels. He didn't know why Ed was being so evasive in his answers but it had to be something huge for the normally unfazable young man to be that particular shade of red. He'd get it out of him eventually. But maybe he needed to approach this differently. "Edward…"

Ed whipped around and glared at him. "What?" he snarled, golden eyes flashing in irritation.

Roy massaged his forehead with two fingers, trying to ease his aching head. Hangovers truly sucked. And dealing with an angry Edward while he had one sucked even more. "How bout we let your brother make us coffee and then I'll treat you both to breakfast?" he suggested.

Ed blinked. "Huh? Wait a minute, don't you have work today?"

Mustang stood up and stretched, not noticing the hungry way Ed's eyes roved over him as he did so. "Well, I told Riza yesterday that I might just take today off. For…personal reasons."

The blonde raised an eyebrow at the older man then tore his gaze away from him as he untangled himself from his blanket and stood as well, stretching painfully stiff muscles with a groan. Sleeping on the floor was _not_ his idea of a comfortable night. "Are you allowed to do that?" He asked, and then shook his head. "Nevermind; forget I asked that. You do whatever you want, whenever you want."

The flame alchemist chuckled and followed Ed into the kitchen where an obviously agitated Alphonse was franticly throwing open drawers and cupboards in an attempt to find something.

Yawning hugely Ed put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Al, we don't have any coffee. We don't drink it, remember?"

"But…but the colonel, he said--"

"I don't CARE what the old fart said he wanted. He said he was gonna treat us to breakfast. He can buy his own damn coffee," he said and then grinned when he heard an amused snort from behind him.

"Ungrateful brat." The colonel teased lightly, leaning against a counter. "You wouldn't happen to have a phone here would you?"

Ed snorted. "Are you kidding? Like we could afford that crap. Go find a payphone, old man."

Al stared at his brother with wide eyes, shocked at the casually mocking tone Ed was using with the colonel. And he was even more surprised by the familiar friendly smirk that Mustang used when addressing his brother. Edward was going to have a lot of questions to answer later once he got him alone.

Roy sighed and scratched the back of his head. "I guess we're walking then." Then he frowned. "Though I have absolutely no idea where we are. I wasn't exactly paying attention to where I was last night." He curiously noted the way Ed flushed upon hearing that, making a mental note to make sure and find out what could have possibly occurred the previous night that would cause the young man to act so strangely.

He turned to Al with a smirk, chuckling when the boy twitched nervously under his stare. "Why don't you pick some place for us to eat, Alphonse." he suggested in a light tone. "Since you probably know your way around the area better than I do."

Ed eyed the dark-haired man suspiciously as Alphonse sputtered something about not having been to many local restaurants because he and his brother tended to live off of instant meals or things that could be cooked in 15 minutes or less.

"Roy…" The blonde spoke suddenly, interrupting Al's babbling. His voice was low and dangerous as he asked, "Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?"

Roy's response was a chuckle and the amused arch of an eyebrow. "What, you mean I'm not allowed to be generous?"

Rolling his eyes at the older man, Ed said, "You're not usually inclined to generosity."

"So paying for most of your drinks for the last month or so doesn't count as being generous?" He smoothed the fabric of his wrinkled uniform distractedly. "I'm offended, Edward."

"Alright, I'll give you that," Ed admitted, "But why take us out for breakfast? I mean, you could just go home and sleep off your hangover."

Mustang shrugged, a lopsided smirk making its home on his face. "Just consider it my way of thanking you for not dumping my drunk ass on a street somewhere last night."

Ed glared at him, not believing that excuse for a second. He was pretty damn sure that Roy was only being nice in an attempt to wring exactly what had happened last night out of him. And Ed would rather drink a gallon of spoiled milk than confess to Mustang that yes he had been a quiet and peaceful drunk…right up until he had shoved Ed up against a door and then, without explanation, proceeded to kiss him senseless. Roy would be disgusted if he found out; Ed was sure of it. And he'd be damned if he was going to lose probably the only person in the world he counted as a friend, Al aside of course, over a moment of drunken stupidity!

And as much as Ed had admitted to himself that he had thoroughly enjoyed the experience, he knew that it would never happen again and that he should just try and put it from his mind. The colonel was a notorious womanizer, everyone knew that. But, as far as the elder Elric knew, his interests lay only with the opposite sex.

He shook his head lightly to clear it a little. 'It was just a drunken kiss,' he told himself, 'Just a mistake. Forget about it and let the bastard get you breakfast. You don't have to tell him a damn thing.'

Then he grinned at the taller man as an idea suddenly occurred to him. "Why don't YOU make us breakfast?" He suggested, "After all, you owe me."

Roy blinked, honestly surprised. "What? You mean at my house?"

"Of course I mean at your house. Unless you want to make us ramen here."

Sighing, Roy considered for a second before shrugging. "My house is fine. Cheaper for me that way anyways. You'll just have to enlighten me as to where exactly in Central we are and then I can take you there."

Still grinning, Ed grabbed his jacket off the table and hauled his brother and the colonel towards the door. "Let's get going then, I'm starving!"

--

Roy sighed blissfully as he reclined comfortably in his chair and sipped at his coffee, delighting in the flavor and the way the wondrous liquid always seemed to bring him to life. Coffee, in his opinion, had to be one of the wonders of the world. And it seemed to be having the added benefit of taking the edge off of his hangover and allowing him to relax enough to smile slightly as he watched the Elric brothers inhale the eggs, bacon, and toast that he had cooked for them.

He hadn't missed the way that Edward had deliberately given Al twice the amount of food that he served himself. And that simple action made his respect for the young man grow considerably. He'd always wondered what had pushed Edward to his current profession. Now he knew. The answer was sitting across the table from him, smiling at his older brother.

The alchemy books he had seen littered on the floor in their sparse apartment and the way that Edward threw his life away everyday doing his job had told him all he needed to know.

And it was touching really. He'd rarely seen such devotion as Ed seemed to show towards his younger brother. He couldn't help but feel a small flare of anger as he thought of what Edward put himself through everyday for Al's sake. Life truly did suck ass sometimes.

"Uhhh…Mr. Mustang, sir?"

The soft voice startled him out of his thoughts and he looked up from the table at Al questioningly. "Yes, Alphonse?"

The boy bowed lightly in the colonel's direction and smiled at the man. "Thank you for the meal, sir."

Next to him, Ed snorted but allowed himself a grudging smile. The meal really HAD been delicious. It had been years since he'd eaten so well. He couldn't help but feel grateful towards the alchemist, whatever his intentions might have been for feeding them. "Yeah…thanks, Roy."

Roy was a bit shocked to hear Ed openly thank him for something. Especially in that utterly sincere tone of voice and so politely, without any smartass remarks or teasing grins. It was very unlike him.

The flame alchemist smiled back at the brothers and waved a hand dismissively. "It was nothing. After all," he looked pointedly at Ed, "I do owe you."

Ed looked away from him, cheeks interestingly red. "Not anymore you don't," he muttered.

Mustang grinned at him but then stood and looked down at Al, his eyes suddenly serious. "Alphonse…" he said slowly, "Those were alchemy books I saw in your apartment today, weren't they?"

Al flushed bright red and he looked down, embarrassed. "Y-yes, sir…I like…to read about alchemy…and to learn…" he said in a small voice, not daring to look up at the colonel.

Roy smiled lightly and met Ed's confused gaze as the older Elric brother looked from his flustered brother and up at him. "I see," the raven-haired man said. "Well then…I happen to have a large collection of alchemy books myself; would you like to take a look at them?"

Al's eyes went absolutely huge and he snapped his head up to look at Mustang in utter shock. "Y-you mean…you would let me? It's not…like against the law or something?" His amber eyes were shining with barely contained excitement.

Roy gestured his hand towards the doorway of the kitchen, chuckling lightly. "It can't be against the law if they're my own personal books, can it? My study is down the hall and in the first room to the left. Help yourself."

Al jumped to his feet and bowed deeply to the amused colonel. "T-thank you, sir! I promise I won't so much as smudge a page!"

Roy laughed lightly. "It's fine, Alphonse. Feel free to read or borrow what you need; as long as you return them eventually, I don't mind."

The younger Elric brother was practically glowing with eagerness, a cheek-splitting grin on his face as he dashed out of the room and down the hall to Roy's study.

Mustang turned his gaze to Edward and was shocked when the young man stood up and walked around the table to stand in front of him, his expression unreadable. "Edward?" he inquired, curiously. The other man was definitely not acting like his normal self today and it was starting to worry him.

And then Edward Elric did something that had the colonel completely convinced that hell had frozen over and pigs had grown wings. He bowed to the older man and murmured a soft, "Thank you, sir."

Roy could only stare in shock, the corner of one eye twitching, as Ed straightened back up and met his stare evenly with one of his own. "Who are you and what did you do with Ed?" he asked suspiciously.

Ed grinned at that. "Don't expect THAT to ever happen again, got it? It's just…it's been so long since I've seen him that happy…" He sighed almost wistfully. "After what happened last night I thought he was going to either beat the crap out of me or die of shock." His eyes went wide and he slapped a hand to his mouth as he immediately realized what he had just said. He opened his mouth to take back the comment, but it was too late.

Roy wasn't, by any means, an idiot and he knew the right time to strike when he saw it. Seizing the opportunity, Roy fixed Edward with an intense stare, trapping the young mans' gaze with his own. "And what," he asked in a low and serious voice, "happened last night?"

Ed's face went beat red and he attempted to pull himself away from the colonel's intense scrutiny but found his body unwilling to move, as if pinned to that spot by some unknown force. "N-nothing!" he stammered.

Roy snorted. "Bullshit, Ed. If it were nothing, you'd be acting like your normal pain-in-the-ass self today, not like you are now. It's obviously something that bothers you a great deal." He frowned suddenly. "I didn't try to hurt you or something, did I?"

Ed shook his head, his gaze still pinned by Roy's and his body still unwilling or unable to move.

"Edward Elric, if you ever want me to buy you another drink ever again, you will tell me what it was I did last night." The colonel's voice was dead serious.

Ed's mind was clouded in panic. What the fuck was he supposed to do? He couldn't tell Roy what had happened! The man would hate him! But…then again…he did seem genuinely concerned, and he had done something incredibly generous for Al…

'Goddammit'

The blonde had no desire to lose a friend but he also admitted to himself that Roy didn't deserve to be lied to. Not after what he'd done for Al. Steeling himself, Edward took a deep breath and a step forward so that he was within inches of the flame alchemist, still holding that intense gaze.

"Edward?"

'Please, don't hate me for this.'

He reached his hands up behind Roy's head and pulled it down until his lips met the older man's in a soft kiss. The kiss was chaste for all of two seconds before Ed's hormones got the best of him and he turned it into something much more interesting than a slight peck on the lips. Not giving a shit that Roy wasn't responding to the kiss, only caring that the man wasn't resisting either.

After a long moment, he stepped away from Roy and turned his head to the side, looking down, his cheeks bright red, absolutely refusing to look at the other man. "That's what you did last night," he said softly.

Roy stood there in complete shock, his face flushed. Edward had just kissed him. KISSED him. And apparently that was what he had done last night to the young man when he was drunk.

Eyes wide, he slowly raised a hand to his face and ran a finger lightly over his bruised bottom lip. "Oh."

--

A/N: Hoped you enjoyed the chapter, I actually didn't write any of this chapter. I will in the next. If it's long enough it might be only my chapter for the next chapter (A/N: (MARY): Because I wrote too much and left her at an awkward place to pick up XD, But her feedback was the only reason I got anything done so haha sorry, I love you Mitzy!). Review!


	4. Life is too Complicated

--A/N: OMG WE LIIIIIVE! Ok, so most of this chapter was actually done a looong time ago but me and Mitzy have been very very busy, her with testing, and me with some pretty annoying personal issues and we're both getting ready to graduate in June so we've been busy. But the good news is we have the outline for the next 3 chapters or so completely planned out and written down and only awaiting us to make them more substantial and entertaining. The BAD news is we may have to change the genre of the story for upcoming future content. Not quite sure yet, still thinking about it. There will be plenty of cracktasticness in the future of POB but the next couple chapters have some drama in them as well. But hopefully they'll still make you smile and that's all we're really hoping for. Anyways, sorry if this chapter is a little melodramatic, it really was necessary….but I promise things will get ALOT more interesting soon! So sit back and enjoy and don't forget to push that magical little button and review!--

If you asked anyone on the streets of Central to describe Roy Mustang, they would tell you that he was a man that was completely dedicated to his work. They would probably also go on to say that he had unshakeable composure, was always calm and reserved, and was absolutely fearless.

If that person were to see Roy Mustang now, they probably wouldn't even recognize him. Without the confidant air that usually surrounded him and demanded respect from the people around him and without the serious expression or the occasional smirk that served to infuriate his rivals, Roy was left looking rather…pathetic. With his hair somewhat disheveled, clothes wrinkled, lips slightly swollen, eyes wide with shock, and cheeks bright with a deep blush, Roy looked nothing like the great flame alchemist he was supposed to be.

Mustang, still stiff with shock, stared down at the younger man in front of him who currently had his head turned to the side with a flush to rival Roy's own and looked absolutely miserable. The colonel would've liked to say something, anything, to break the awful awkward silence that seemed to fill the room, but unfortunately for Roy, his poor mind had stopped working the moment Edward Elric's lips had met his. The only thought that seemed to be able to penetrate the haze in his mind was that he must look absolutely ridiculous and that if Hawkeye or Havoc were to see him right then, he'd never hear the end of it.

What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to respond?

'How exactly is one supposed to react when they are kissed senseless by a good friend—a good MALE friend—and when finding out that they had kissed that same friend the night before when they were drunk?' Roy wondered, trying desperately to regain his lost composure. With the way that Ed was twitching in front of him, his hands clenching and unclenching agitatedly, it was fairly obvious that the young man expected Roy to say something. Soon. Or he would be forced to face the blonde's wrath. The problem was, Roy didn't have a damn idea WHAT to say.

"Ed…" he began, looking to the side and focusing on the wall rather than the elder Elric brother.

Edward jumped, startled by his voice and snapped his head up to look nervously at the alchemist. He had gone too far… Roy was going to tell him off now. The older man probably thought of him as nothing more than a whore now. Just like everyone else did.

Roy cleared his throat and started again, "Edward…" but found that any more words that he might have said, if indeed he could've thought of anything else to say, had frozen in his throat. After about two minutes of that horribly awkward silence, Ed's expression had shifted from nervous and miserable to insulted and angry. His hands clenched into fists at his side and he glared at the colonel.

"Say something, dammit!" he snarled, eyes flashing in irritation.

Roy flinched at his tone and looked uncomfortable. "I don't…know what to say, Edward." He said softly, still keeping his eyes trained firmly on the wall and AWAY from Ed. Never before had a wall seemed to interesting.

Ed jerked as if he'd been slapped. He'd expected Roy to tell him off, call him a whore and look down at him with the same disgusting mix of pity and contempt that the rest of Central did. But…this silence and refusal to meet his eyes or even LOOK at him was, in a way, much worse and much more aggravating. Roy wasn't even doing him the courtesy of being blunt and honest. Even after Ed had been as blunt and honest as he possibly could just a few minutes earlier.

Seething, he turned away and walked stiffly towards Roy's front door. Roy finally looked at Ed only to see his retreating back as he walked away. "Wait, Ed…"

Edward paused for a moment as he opened the door but did not turn around. "You don't have to say anything COLONEL," he spat. "Hell, you won't even look at me. That tells me all I need to know. This whore's going out now. Send Al home when he's had his fill of your books." Without another word, he stepped outside and slammed the door harshly behind him, leaving a very confused and lost-looking Roy Mustang standing alone in the room.

Roy sighed and rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. His headache from earlier was returning in full force but he didn't really care.

'Godammit.'

He almost wished that there was some sort of target, an enemy, anything, around that he could take his confusion out on. Something to burn to a crisp and help him relieve some of his frustration. The last few days had been the most stressful and irritating that he had had in a LONG while. First he had become the laughing stock of Central and now Edward…

Roy growled, frustrated with himself. He had pretty much slapped Edward in the face when he was only being honest. Even if it was unintentional. 'I really am an idiot sometimes,' the colonel thought. If only he had said something to Ed! If only he had known WHAT to say. The kiss had taken him so off guard that he honestly hadn't known what to think.

Ed was an excellent drinking partner but also an interesting friend and one of the few people Roy felt he could trust. It was truly amazing that they had become friends at all. It really must be true that opposites attract because, besides a taste for alcohol, he and Edward had almost nothing in common. Ed was hot-tempered, short, and had a profession that was looked down on by the majority of the population in Central. Meanwhile, Roy was tall, calm and collected, and held in high regard by most people. There was really no obvious reason for them to have become friends in the first place.

But Ed was honest, refreshingly so, and Roy rather admired that. Even with the nature of his profession and the day and age he lived in, the blonde managed to maintain his blunt and honest outlook on life. It was, sadly, a rare trait.

'But…that kiss…'

Roy was no stranger to that sort of thing, of course. But even in his wilder teenage years, he had never experimented with men. It wasn't as if he hadn't had plenty of opportunities, because he had. And it wasn't that he looked down on that sort of thing, because people's lifestyle choices were their own damn business. It was just that he had never felt any interest in the men that approached him and had believed himself to be drawn only to women.

But, if he was only attracted to women, why had Edward's kiss affected him the way it did? His body had definitely responded to it, even though he hadn't kissed the blonde back. Roy snorted in amusement. 'It looks like I'm attracted to him,' he thought, smirking a bit. 'That's not particularly hard to believe. If he weren't attractive, he wouldn't be nearly as successful as he is with his job.'

He found the idea of being attracted to Edward odd but it didn't seem to bother him as much as he thought it should.

And Ed was, after all, a fantastic kisser.

A cough from behind him interrupted his thoughts and he turned to see Alphonse with a few books under his arm, looking very worried. "Uhhh…Mr. Mustang, sir?" he asked, his voice nervous sounding.

Roy raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Yes, Alphonse? And please call me Roy; there's no need for formalities."

"Y-Yes sir…I mean, yes Roy…"

The colonel chuckled and leaned against the table, rubbing the back of his neck to ease some of his tense muscles. "That's better," he said to Al. "Now, is there something you needed?"

"Did you and my brother get in a fight or something?" Al asked in his small voice. "I heard the door slam…if he said anything to upset you, he didn't mean it. Ed's really a nice guy and---"

Roy cut him off with a wave of his hand. "Alphonse, it's ok. It was just a misunderstanding. As soon as he cools down a bit, I'll go talk to him."

The younger Elric brother sat down at the table and folded his hands together, looking down at them with a sigh. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "Brother wasn't always like that, you know."

"Oh really?"

Al looked miserable. "Before Mother died, we were both just kids with an obsession with alchemy. He was always so much better at it than I was…and he probably still is. Everyone was always saying that someday he'd become a great alchemist because of his special talent."

Roy was curious. "Special talent?"

"Yes, he can perform alchemy without a transmutation circle."

The colonel's eyes widened in surprise. He had known of Al's interest in alchemy but Edward's was news to him. Ed had never showed any interest around him towards alchemy in all the time he had known the young man. To perform alchemy without a transmutation circle… a talent like that only came along once a century or so.

Wanting to know more, Roy asked, "So why did he quit?"

Again, Al sighed. "After Mom died…we were alone. Completely alone. We had absolutely nothing, and for a while we were actually homeless."

Roy sat down in a chair across from Alphonse and regarded the younger Elric brother with a serious expression. "You had no one willing to take you in?"

Al shook his head sadly. "No, we had no family left. All our relatives on Mom's side were already dead and Dad," his voice grew slightly bitter and he frowned, "Well he had already left Mom and us years ago."

"What about friends?" Roy asked, feeling a desire to learn as much as he could about Ed's past. "Surely there was a neighbor or a friend of your Mom's willing to help you out."

"We asked but…times were hard. Our town was small and poor. People only really had enough for themselves and their own families. They couldn't have possibly supported me and brother as well. So we came to Central…" His voice trailed off a bit and he looked uncomfortable.

The colonel leaned back in his chair. "And you were homeless?"

Alphonse nodded. "For a while, yes. Ed and me kept trying to find jobs that used our alchemy but no one would take us. They said we were too young. So we did odd jobs or stole to get by." He paused for a second and sighed before continuing. "But one day, brother disappeared for a few hours and when he came back he had money. More money than we had ever been able to make before, and he told me that he had a job and that in a couple of weeks we might even have enough for a place of our own to live in. I asked him what his job was but he wouldn't say. He just kept talking about making sure that I could live my dream of becoming an alchemist."

Roy felt sympathy well up in him for Edward and his brother. They really had gone through a lot and life had not been gentle on them. Especially Edward. "And he just gave up on alchemy?" he asked softly.

The boy looked up at the alchemist, his eyes sad, and said, "Yes. He was so concerned with just making enough money to get us by and make sure I could study, that he stopped using alchemy…in the beginning, he used to flip through a few of my books occasionally but then," Al sighed," He started coming home with bruises and cuts and burns and…he CHANGED." The blonde grew silent for a long time before meeting Roy's gaze and speaking quietly, "I've always had my suspicions, but…I know that you know for sure. Ed's job…he lets people…USE him…doesn't he?"

Roy debated lying to the boy but decided it wouldn't make a difference. "Yes," he replied shortly and looked away, not wanting to see the expression on the boy's face.

Al cast his eyes back down towards the table again and looked even more miserable than before. "I see…" he murmured. "Brother…"

The room was silent, each lost in his own thoughts for a while before Roy spoke again. "Alphonse," he began, "You said that your brother can perform alchemy without a transmutation circle, right?"

Al looked up, startled by the question, but he nodded and stuttered, "Y-Yes sir."

"How long has he had this ability?"

The young man chewed on his lower lip as he thought. Finally he replied, "As far back as I can remember…from back when we first started playing around with alchemy…"

Roy's eyebrows shot up at that. So it wasn't an ability he had developed over time, but rather one he had been born with. The colonel made a mental note to make sure and have a nice long chat with Edward about his ability. But after he had sorted out his own feelings and definitely AFTER Edward had calmed down. An ability like Edward's could not go unstudied. It was too extraordinary of a talent to not bring to notice.

'Later,' he told himself. 'It can wait for a while.'

Pulling himself from his thoughts, Mustang smiled at the boy in front of him. "I'm going to go into the office after all," he said. "You're welcome to borrow those books you still have under your arm and any others you would like to read whenever you feel like visiting. Just make sure you return them eventually."

Al's eyes filled briefly with excitement and he babbled out, "T-Thank you, sir!"

"Think nothing of it. Look after your brother for me, alright?" Roy stood and helped Al from his chair, guiding him towards the door.

Al blinked. "I'll try…"

Opening the door, the colonel looked seriously down at Alphonse. "If anything happens, do not hesitate to call on me."

The younger Elric brother stepped outside and looked back over his shoulder at Roy. "Okay….thank you…Roy." He managed a small smile and then walked off towards his apartment, books tucked securely under one arm.

Roy closed the door then leaned back against it with a heavy sigh. Since when had life been so goddamn complicated?

--

Ed was pissed. Actually, a more appropriate word would be furious. People that would have normally stood in his way or ignored him now took one look at his livid expression and flushed face as he made his way through Central and stepped meekly aside rather than get in the young man's way and risk losing a limb. Any potential customers that may have approached him stayed well back, probably frightened away by his posture, which seemed to scream "fuck off" at the top of its lungs.

Had he not been too caught up in his own raging thoughts, Edward probably would have been pleased to see the way people seemed to shrink back away from him or step quietly out of his way without their usual sneers or biting remarks. It wasn't often that people gave him respect, even if it was only out of fear.

As it was, Ed was too upset to notice, his body acting on autopilot and steering him to the bar while his mind attempted to sort out his confused thoughts and make some sense of his emotions. The bar fell briefly silent when he stepped into it, people who would have normally jeered at him or made some form of greeting took note of his dark expression. Their eyes slid hesitantly away from him and they resumed whatever conversations had been interrupted by the young man's arrival. Ed made his way to his favorite corner and sat down heavily, propping his head on his hands and looking utterly miserable. The bartender set a drink down in front of him without saying a word knowing from experience when it was best to give a customer some space and time to think over whatever might be wrong with their life.

"Goddammit…" the blonde muttered under his breath, not even registering the taste of alcohol as he sipped at his drink. "That asshole…"

'But then again,' Ed reflected with a grimace, 'I was kind of an ass too this morning…it's one thing to be startled into returning a drunken kiss…but it's a lot different when the person you're kissing is your very sober and very STRAIGHT friend…god he must HATE me…'

He slumped miserably over the counter and stared at his distorted reflection on the bar top. He'd have to apologize of course. Though he'd be damned if he was going to say sorry before Roy did. The man could have at least given him a proper rejection…but he had just stood there and refused to look at him…

'He wouldn't even LOOK at me…what the fuck is that supposed to mean?' Ed glared at the glass in his hands as if it, not his own stupidity, was the source of his problems. 'I'm such an idiot…when did life get so goddamn complicated?'

He continued to sip at his glass in silence until a shadow fell over him and a familiar form that reeked of cigarettes claimed the stool next to him.

"So Edward," the young man said, grinning through the cigarette in his mouth, "You look about ready to bite someone's head off…do I even need to ask who managed to piss you off this much?"

Ed raised his head enough to glare through narrowed golden eyes. Could today get anymore annoying? "Get bent, Havoc…I'm not in the mood."

The man only chuckled at him and ordered a beer. "If I told you a something embarrassing about Roy's past…perhaps…something you could use to tease the hell out of him, would that cheer you up a bit?"

A spark of interest flared in Ed's eyes and he met the other man's gaze evenly. Perhaps today wouldn't be so bad after all. "Tell me."

---A/N So that's it for now, we will continue to be very busy until after graduation...mine is on the 17th and Mitzy's is on the 19th so we'll get back to all you wonderful loving yaoi-lovers when we are no longer constrained by the prison that is public education. Till then...REVIEW! Please? I'll give you a cookie!---


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